Post-publication retirement.
Now what?
Editorial note: My heart goes out to all who have lost so much in the California wildfires. Looking for ways to help? Here’s a list of places taking donations.
I hate when I'm filling out a form and need to specify my retirement date. Was it September 2016, shortly before I turned 58, when I left work on medical leave due to my chronic gut problems? Was it a date two years later, when my disability benefits ran out? Was it a random date in the subsequent few years when I realized I’d never again work full-time? I’ve filled out different dates on different forms; I should probably pick one and be consistent.
What does it mean to be retired, anyway? Practically the minute I had to abandon my health education career in 2016, I reignited my decades-old goal to publish my memoir. I spent so many looong days bringing my book to publication, I barely had a chance to rest on my laurels. After Growth: A Mother, Her Son, and the Brain Tumor They Survived was published in May 2023, marketing began in earnest and continued until the end of 2024. Then, the holidays and some fun sewing projects* (related to last month’s announcement about my pending Nana-hood!) kept me busy.
One recent January morning, sitting in the living room with my coffee, staring out the window and thinking about nothing in particular, I had the thought, “Oh! This is how retirement feels.” Peaceful, yet invigorating. Calm, yet stimulating. Having choices about how to spend my day.
Now what do I do?
How do I want to spend my day? That’s the $19.99 question. (The cost of my paperback.)
When I ran out of book marketing steam toward the end of 2024, I thought maybe I was ready to move on, to be happy enough being a published author and having my memoir out in the world.
Except…
My book sales have been disappointing. Better than most debut memoirs, even wildly better, but still less than I’d hoped.
Despite having done my due diligence in learning all the “How-tos,” I spent many hours and dollars promoting my book only to receive a disheartening return.
I’m immensely proud of my accomplishment, proud of the book I wrote, humbled by the reviews, and touched by the comments of readers, many of whom reached out to thank me personally. But I want my story to touch more readers. Open more eyes to the dangers of people-pleasing, the prevalence of medical gaslighting, and the realities of parenting a child with atypical educational or medical needs.
It’s not about making money because, well, I make very little per book.
It’s about honoring the journey—the one I lived and the one I wrote.
To honor my journey, I want to open more eyes to the dangers of people-pleasing
My three critique partners (we call ourselves Writer’s Tears...if you know, you know) are talented, award-winning writers, all deserving of their book successes.
Casey Mulligan Walsh has a memoir coming out in a month. The Full Catastrophe: All I Ever Wanted, Everything I Feared already has over 100 positive reviews on GoodReads.
Mimi Zieman, who wrote Tap Dancing on Everest, sells more books in a single book talk than I sell in ten.
Eileen Vorbach Collins sold as many copies of Love in the Archives: A Patchwork of True Stories about Suicide Loss in two months as I did in eight.
I'm thrilled for my friend’s hard-fought successes and honored to promote their beautiful work. I’m also envious. And sad.
Have I not done right by my story? Does it deserve better?
Maybe I should let go of my sadness and trust that the universe has other plans for me. Maybe my book has served its intended purpose and reached the people it was meant to reach.
Or is my sadness telling me I’m not ready to quit? That I need to do more?
That’s where I’m at right now, friends. There’s no narrative arc to this newsletter; the protagonist shows no growth. She is stuck.
Do you have wisdom to help guide me? I’d love your thoughts.
(Scroll all the way down to share a comment and/or give me a heart so I know you’re here. ❤️ Thanks in advance.)
*In other news, I am officially a Nana to baby Miles! That’s all I’ll say, out of respect for the proud parent’s wishes to limit social media exposure of the baby. But I’ve been sewing up a storm and here’s a photo of one fun project.
Writing News
I am honored to have an article published in the print edition of Writer’s Digest! By next month, the digital version will be live and I’ll share the link.
Growth: A Mother, Her Son, and the Brain Tumor They Survived.
Medical gaslighting and a mother’s people-pleasing collide, shattering her expectations of motherhood and threatening the survival of her young son.
Karen is a happily married, slightly frazzled working mother of two when her eight-year-old son, Matthew, develops a strange eye-rolling tic. Gradually, her high-energy kid becomes clumsy and lethargic, her “Little Einstein” a gifted program dropout. Karen knows something is wrong. But she can't get anyone to listen and lacks the backbone to crack the resistance. After three exhausting, desperate years, finally, an MRI reveals the truth: a brain tumor, squishing Matthew's brain into a sliver against his skull. Following a delicate surgery, doctors predict a complete recovery. But the damage from the delayed diagnosis prolongs Matthew's recovery, challenging Karen to grow in ways she never imagined.
A fast-paced page-turner told with candor, insight, and wit, Growth takes you on a rollercoaster of painful truths and hard-won transformations.
Available where books are sold or see purchase links here.
Where to listen to GROWTH on audiobook:
More retailers will soon offer my book, so if your favorite listening site isn't included, check back in next month's newsletter.
Heads up, friends:
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I moved my subscriber list here from Mailchimp to make it easier to have conversations. Sorry for the inconvenience. I’d love you to follow the prompts below and create an account. It’s super quick and IT DOESN’T COST A THING!!
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THANKS!
Hi Karen, I will not offer any advice - my sense is that you have immense inner wisdom, and a connection to yourself, and what feels true and right for you, that will emerge in its own time as you allow what you're feeling. Instead, I want to say how much I appreciate your honest, real, reporting from your book publication journey. To me, as someone a good many steps behind you, it is inspiring and refreshing NOT to read a 'complete narrative arc.' But the truth. As it is. From where you are, right now.
When we step towards our dreams and longings, and contribute in the ways we feel called to, it is neither a straight line nor easy, with no guarantees. You sharing what that feels like, right now, as you navigate this crossroads is a gift. Thank you.
Oh Karen! I so appreciate your open honestly. No one does it better than you! I’m sure you will find the perfect “next steps”… maybe that’s being a great Nana! Hugs to you!